i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize