I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
