I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
