Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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