where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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