I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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