you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize