whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
