Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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