hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
