if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
