I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Your dad touched me again.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
