I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize