i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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