dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
