I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
