Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
