went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
