I want to stick my p in your. b.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
All the doctor said was why
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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