Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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