He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
