I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
