Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
