This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
