May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
