PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
