man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
