i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
