Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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