she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
