He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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