how can u be prego again
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
