He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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