I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Houston, we have a squirter
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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