I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
