I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
