In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
