Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
