ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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