turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I am midnight drunk by noon
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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