I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
