Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize