There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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