hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
