I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
