worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
