Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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