Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize