im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I smell stomach acid.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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