I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I need water and some morals
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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