I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
