so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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