I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
