Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
