She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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