Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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