is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize