the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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