Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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