You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
