Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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