Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
