Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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