why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
