Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
