You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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