i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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