Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
