I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Boobs are out for the taking
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
