This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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