Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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