If that was your dad, he is hot
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize