So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You made out with two different species that night
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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