I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
