ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
