the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize