Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
