My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
