It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
